person as he or she is, to be aware of his or her unique individuality and, consequently, wanting that person to "grow and unfold as he or she.". A few years ago, I spoke to a group of high-schoolers about the Jewish idea of love. God created us to see ourselves as good (hence our need to either rationalize or regret our wrongdoings). Because deep, intimate love emanates from knowledge and giving, it comes not overnight but over time which nearly always means after marriage. Likewise, the best way to feel loving is to be loving and that means giving. I was once at an intimate concert in which the performer, a deeply spiritual person, gazed warmly at his audience and said, "I want you to know, I love you all." I smiled tolerantly and thought, "Sure." Looking back, though, I realize my cynicism was. Love is the result of appreciating another's goodness. No wonder so many people are single.
Erich Fromm, in his famous treatise "The Art of Loving noted the sad consequence of this misconception: "There is hardly any activity, any enterprise, which is started with such tremendous hopes and expectations, and yet, which fails so regularly, as love." (That was back. There's no better wisdom Susan's mother could have imparted to her before marriage. Every hand went. This man naturally saw the good in others, and our being there said enough about us that he could love. Neither is a father's forcing violin lessons on his son because he himself always dreamed of being a virtuoso. Today we have a warm relationship.
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On another occasion I read something she'd written and offered feedback and praise. Many years ago, I met a woman whom I found very unpleasant. A few days later I offered to help her with a personal problem. I'm captivated by your values!" he told her passionately. Susan learned about this foundation of love after becoming engaged to David.
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